Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Tower of Babel

In this story of the Bible, the people on Earth after the Great Flood all speak one language. They become arrogant and selfish, wanting to be equals with God himself, so they decide to build a tower in their city that would reach all the way up into Heaven. They try to create a way to reach Heaven without the help of God, so He is obviously pretty angry when He discovers what they are building. As a punishment, he scatters them throughout the world, giving groups different languages so that they can't communicate with each other.

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Okay, so now for my stairway to Heaven. Please close your eyes and picture this for yourself. It's not really a stairway, but rather a nice, shaded river that you would find somewhere in the jungle. There are dogs sitting all along the banks of the river, wagging their tails and barking, telling me that they love me (I can understand them because when I die, I will be able to speak dog). The entire way down the river, Miley Cyrus will be next to me, singing the climb (or we can't stop, I would be cool with whatever) and feeding me fruit roll-ups. I imagine that as I float along, I look back on the different time periods of my life through the narration of Morgan Freeman. I am wearing a green seersucker suit with a white bow tie around my neck, sitting in one of those blow-up chairs with cup holders filled with Naked smoothies. At the end of the river, there's a waterfall, but it's going up instead of falling down, all the way up into the sky for as far as I can see. I reach the waterfall and am gradually lifted up into the air, further and further until I reach the top of the waterfall and see God, who is really Oprah Winfrey. She touches my face and officially welcomes me into Heaven.
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