Daphne and the Laurel Wreath

My parents hate it when I use the internet on weekdays. They don't exactly understand that technology is an integral part of my education these days....So my mother will do everything in her power to get me out of what I call the "computer room," so she can watch  her sappy, melodramatic Korean dramas. One way she does this is by "catching" me on Facebook or Twitter, as if I am trying to be furtive about checking my notifications. And so when I was chuckling while reading the story of Daphne and the Laurel Wreath, my mother automatically thought she was "catching" me reading a funny Facebook post or something. So she hopped up all excited and then saw that instead, I was reading yet another creepy story for Ms. Whitman's AP Lit class.

So, anyway, in regards to this story. I really do hope I don't get chosen to read this week or this will be so very awkward.

The story of Daphne and the Laurel Wreath is a story about the arrogant man, Apollo, and his undying and unrequited love for Daphne. You see, Apollo brags about his agility to Cupid who then curses him with the gold arrow, making him fall in love with the oh-so-b-e-a-utiful Daphne. Daphne, on the other hand, is struck by the lead bow, causing her to think love is "icky." And so she goes off to her dad and tells him that she wants to be a virgin 4 lyfe. This must have been a hell of an awkward conversation. Peneus (penis????? wut.) eventually gives into her request and says that she'll never have to get married.

But Apollo is still completely in love with Daphne, so he does what any rational man does - he chases her around a forest until she becomes so desperate for help that she calls out to her father. Peneus acts the way any loving father would in this type of situation. He turns her into a tree.

So Apollo's kind of pissed off at this point. Here he is, completely infatuated with Daphne who is now a Laurel tree. But he sucks it up and declares that he will never ever ever forget about Daphne and so deems the tree sacred.

I don't like the idea of eternal youth. I'm a big believer in global warming and I think that since we humans are overwhelmingly selfish and to be honest, quite terrible creatures, we will eventually destroy the Earth we've been blessed to inhabit. And when we finally start viewing climate change and caring for the environment as a serious issue and priority, it'll be far too late. So that's why I don't want to experience eternal youth. I don't exactly like the idea of sticking around to see the world go up in fiery, carbon dioxide-y flames, thank you very much.

The End?