Genesis XI: The Tower of Babel

Mankind was doing pretty well. They worked in harmony and accomplished everything they set their minds to. Now, in their ingenuity, they had decided to construct a magnificent tower which could extend into the heavens. They were doing it too; somehow Mankind 2.0 worked much better than their now-drowned predecessors. But God wasn't too pleased with this turn of events. It appears that perhaps such cooperative efficiency wasn't entertaining enough for God, so he descended to the earth and proceeded to destroy their language. The confusion caused by the sudden change in linguistics was further escalated when he simultaneously scattered these now distinct peoples around the lands. In essence, God set up the foundations of racism and all major global conflict simply because he didn't like a productive humanity. I'm still trying to find some sort of lesson here other than "God is a tool," so I'll hold off on my evaluation in that respect.

Mankind: 1 God: 0

My next language should be something actually useful like Spanish because I've dedicated too much time to Latin. Regardless, I'm quite content to speak English, and maybe in the future, I can get a robot to do live-dubbing for me, and I'll never have to learn another language.