Jacob and Esau...and why my grandmother dislikes me

Esau and Jacob were brothers and sons of Isaac...who was the son of Abraham. (The family tree of all the biblical people is literally so complicated I would like to see the family tree drawn out.) 

Found one!

Anyway, Jacob was cooking a delicious meal when his famished brother, Esau, came home from a long, hard day of hunting. Jacob thought this would be a prime time to strike a deal with his brother, so he offered his food in exchange for Jacob's birthright of being a firstborn. 

A few complications ensued, but ultimately, Jacob ended up with the birthrights that were rightfully (?) his brother's.

Do I have a birthright? I could play it old school and show off my brilliant, erudite self by citing my inherent constitutional rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But oh bother! Many more experienced men and women before me have bickered over this, so here is a trivial anecdote regarding my strange, strange family abroad in South Korea.

Korean tradition says that it is good luck for the first child to be female and the second child to be male. My sister escaped from the womb as a female so naturally, all was swell. My grandma on my father's side loved her with all her might and showered her with gifts and gold. But then I, the pesky troublemaker, popped out of my mother's womb. And alas! I was not a male! Quite the contrary...I was a female...and thus, very bad luck. My grandma has refused to talk to me my entire life because of this very peculiar and outdated and completely illegitimate technicality. The end. 

I may or may not be pictured in this image? Just kidding...I was a lot cuter than any of these babies.